Very Peculiar

Me ridingvia Daily Prompt: Peculiar

I find it peculiar that we get obsessed with how we look.  I’m rather attached to my braid enjoying how its length and the cooling affect keeps all my hair off my neck and back.  This summer I was lucky to enjoy my braid almost everyday.  I could talk about makeup and all the girly things girls care about, but I don’t really care too much about girly stuff doing the bare minimum each day.  I had to make a decision about my braid that I didn’t think in a million years would happen.  I had to say good-bye to my braid, no longer able to braid my hair I had to cut my hair. It’s peculiar in my mind that I cared so much about my braid. I’m okay, it’s just a whole new direction with short hair, and recovery time with my broken arm.

I’m actually so thankful my girlfriend while horseback riding on the trails saw my braid on this day and told me, you have a perfect braid today! I can’t tell you how excited I felt as she told me and she snapped this photo and shared it later with me as we laughed and chatted about our ride. She said there was not a hair out of place! We giggled. I told her yet again I’m not ready to cut my hair. I would make a big deal about how I loved my braid. But all good things soon come to an end and my braiding days are over until I heal. I know my hair will grow again, maybe I’ll get a chance for another perfect braid. It amazes me how in a blink of an eye your life can be turned upside down. I thank my dear friend for this photo, it means so much to me. May be silly, but it isn’t to me!

 

 

To Overcome

cropped-chloe-and-zack-2via Daily Prompt: Overcome

I’m down and out of commission for the next four weeks at least.  I’ve fallen and broken my wrist badly, surgery was last Wednesday. These pretty ponies are not going to be taken care of like I normally care for them, oh how I’m going to overcome. I’m going to enlist my family as they need to help me with my ponies.  I’m indebted to my best friend for all her care with my ponies. She is taking such good care of them, like they were her own. I need to overcome my frustration as it makes it difficult to see these turn of events in any way positive. I know I’m finding it difficult to type with one hand so I need to get better fast so I can blog with ease. I want to write so much more but am running out of steam today.  I enjoyed seeing my horses today with my girlfriend. She so kindly picked me up as I was going a bit stir crazy here at home. They are doing well, better than I thought, thankful actually, they are just fine. They are very spoiled and there are many friends at the stables looking after them as I heal at home.

I must overcome all these new obstacles that have been thrust before me.  Some seem so hard and will come in time. Others are easier like buttoning my own pants. Conquering removing my shirt and then putting on PJ’s a challenge. Taking my own bath or shower, not yet, not even close. putting on socks, okay done. My big problem is overcoming frustrations, totally understandable. And the question you should never ever ask – WHY?

So I am hoping that by blogging it will hone my writing skills. I love to read and write. I can only try and if things go well I will try and write some horse stories or blog about my barn where I ride my horses. There are many interesting stories that may be a fun read. I need to overcome my shyness which I know so many suffer from especially when it comes to sharing writings, thoughts to strangers.  I will be strong and fearless and I will OVERCOME!

 

 

Day One

I love horses more than I can express and so I spend many hours at the barn with my two horses, Miss Chloe and her best friend Mr. Zack.  They enjoy each other as I turn them out each day and they scratch each others back. They are my therapy as they nicker when I arrive. They fill my soul with such happiness as I gaze into their huge eyes, and as each day goes we have a routine which includes turn outs, trail rides, lots of grooming, pets, treats and lunches with supplements. But with a blink of an eye that has all changed. This is day one.

I was at the barn yesterday when the accident happened. I had tended to Chloe and Zack, trail ride complete with a nice cool hosing in the hot summer morning. They were brought in their stalls happily eating while I hung around the tack room visiting with the other stable friends who I ride with discussing cleaning the tack room.  As I swept up the floor we decided to see if the shelves needed cleaning so I hopped up on my tack trunk. It all looked okay and I turned around looked at the shelves across the way and then decided to get down and just stepped off the two foot high trunk and as my foot hit the ground and my ankle gave way I hit the ground hard and fast.

The pain was intense, the deformity in my arm so great I had to look away or I may faint or throw up. The blood gushed from my head as my glasses had flown off my face from the force of my fall. I yelled “my arm is broken call 911.”  My friends got to work calling for help, calling my family, getting a cloth for my bloody gash above my right eye. “Stay still, don’t move” they yell out to me…. no problem there, I’m not moving. I can’t move the pain is too great. Paramedics arrive get me stable and move me in a sitting position to start an IV, get vitals and put a splint on my arm.  My cut above my eye stopped bleeding by this time.  The pain was excruciating. I wanted to keep my wits about me, stay calm I told myself in all this chaos.

As I lay in the ambulance heading to the hospital wanting to be somewhere else, thinking I just can’t do this any more. Life sure can throw you some curve balls and this curve ball is a doozy.  How will I continue I was thinking. So many things I can’t do for a long time as I’m sure it will take months to get back to normal. The feelings of sheer frustrations, and lack of control in my situation are overwhelming.  Now I need so much help from experts at the hospitals to family members and friends. I now can’t do life by myself. I’m officially handicapped with the use of only one arm. This is very humbling as I am very independent and work full time and have a very busy life. Now, its all put on hold.

 

DAY FIVE

I felt on day one of giving up, how can I go on? I was in so much pain and my mind spiraled with thoughts and emotions I haven’t had to endure in years. My life has turned upside down and all I can do is take one day at a time.  I smashed up my wrist so badly I needed surgery to put all the bones back in place with plates and screws.  I’ve Never experienced this before and pray I never will again. I’m so messed up with my eye swollen, black and blue like I’ve been in a fight. My ankle very swollen from twisting in the fall and bruises all over my right side from the fall.

The surgery went well and I’m thankful my dislocated elbow is not that painful but the bruising is bad. How will I heal? I feel like its taking forever but its only day 5. I hope and pray I’ll be 110% the power of positive thinking. I sit and think about my horses as they whinny when I arrive at the barn, missing them horribly. I have such wonderful friends, I know they are in good hands and I know soon I will be able to visit. I can’t wait to kiss their noses, run a brush over them with my one good arm. I know I can’t ride for months. I won’t find out the prognosis or healing time until my next doctors visit. I have been telling myself how lucky I am, that things could have been worse. I’m truly lucky I did not injure my head as that would have been bad. As sore and painful as this experience has been I’m hoping it will let me explore my love of writing so I’m hoping this blog will help me hone my skills. I’m thankful my daughter told me about this site as I’m really enjoying writing.

I hope my story is not too sad. I know millions of people have accidents and this is what happened to me this last week and I know I need to look foward and stop replaying the accident in my mind. I don’t know how inspirational I can be in this trying time but I don’t give up easily.  I don’t feel sorry for myself and I hate being a burden but I have no choice, and I know my family would say with my injuries that I’m not a burden. It still feels that way to me, but I accept my roll and will be a good patient.

 

A Fallen Hero

As she rolls over in her bed unable to get up she realizes the pain she is in is real. She tries to stretch and lays there thinking what in the world is this life doing to her, if she could just get rid of the pain.

I started writing this three years ago and all I have is the paragraph above.  I think those words can have so many different meanings to whoever reads them. For me it was a beginning of a story of someone who struggles with trying to return to life after the military and how the horse brought her back to life.  The struggles of pain, whether physical or mental woven through her body and to her soul as she brings herself to understand how nature and this world are not the enemy, to find herself and the meaning of life.  What is the meaning of this life? I’m sure I’m not alone with this thought.

As I write this sitting in my family room, my daughter-in-law is here and looks so sad.  She says she is having an off day, she suffers from depression and I know how hard days can be for her, my heart goes out to her.  Maybe my fallen hero is the mother to my grand baby, maybe a little lost, a soul searching her way in this life.  Fallen on hard times needing help in this harsh world of economics, bills too high to think about, needing a roof over her and her family’s head and I’m so thankful we are here to help. Wishing I can take the pain away, make her smile, make her laugh.  How can I explain life is too  short to be sad, please smile and have fun. Life is hard, but life should not be sad.

I had told her that I would have her help me with my horses, my passion, my muse, my confidants, my horses.  But horses are not everyone’s passion, but they can heal the soul. Just look into those warm big eyes, they are God’s gifts and maybe I will ask her again if she will join me with my horses.  She knows I spend hours there and that I have a group of ladies who I ride with and certainly it’s my therapy as I get to free myself from life’s struggles to spend time with what I love. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they listen to what ever I say and seem to understand. Maybe I’ll give her a hug, she seems so sad today.

My fallen hero was going to be a long story about how the therapy of horse back riding saved her, but as I digress and look at life I can see how maybe my fallen hero I’m saving each day.  Maybe there are many fallen hero’s out there someone’s Mom, Dad or sister, brother, daughter or son. I will say a prayer to all the fallen hero’s out there and may they find peace and happiness.  I am learning that I need to write each day or as many days as I can as I find it inspiring.  I pray I am inspiring and that my writings are worth reading.  I want to write thought provoking blogs, and I would love to learn to write funny blogs as well, could I get some positive thoughts and smiles maybe?  That would be amazing as a smile a day keeps the doctors at bay.

Dinner tonight

How many people want to know what’s for dinner? I wonder that all the time.  I love to cook but am not cooking like I use to as life is so darn busy I can’t seem to fit it all in…. sigh…  How is it that the time each day goes by so fast?  Here it is the day is almost over and the routine of sleeping, working starts again.

My husband is a saint.  Bless him for taking on the roll of cook when the days I need to sleep or I just don’t know what to make happens.  I work night shift five nights a week and I sleep through dinner going to bed in the afternoon.  I only eat dinner two nights a week, unless I take an additional day off.  My work habits may not be normal as I am not a nine to five worker, this has been my life for the last thirty five years.  I never thought in a million years that I would still be working the night shift.  How does this time fly by.

I decided to write this as I smell the good food coming from the kitchen.  I’m suppose to be heading for my nap as I work tonight and need to get some sleep so that I can make it through the night and be able to drive home in the morning when my shift has ended. I’m thankful and hateful all at the same time for my crazy hours – there is no traffic working these crazy hours, and I’m free during the day to spend time with my hobby’s, and my family but I miss sleeping every night.  Who wouldn’t be missing a normal life. But what is normal?  This is my life, this is my normal.  Time to eat.

 

 

My First Love, The Horse

chloe and zackI’ve always loved horses I think since the day I was born. My mom and dad told me this story when I was two years old. They were shopping with me and I found one of those bouncy horses that was attached to springs and once put on this bouncy horse I was glued to it and cried when we had to leave the store. Of course I went crazy when I received this horse as a Christmas present and it was the best babysitter they ever purchased as I would ride this bouncy horse for hours on end and I even sung this song “a horsey, a horsey” as I rocked it back and forth. To me it was in my blood, this incredible bond like a magnet that was so strong I needed to have horses in my life, they define me, they make me who I am. They will always be my first love, the love of the horse.

I wish I could describe to non horse loving people what it is like to have this huge majestic animal respect you and look to you with those beautiful eyes and the connection that is created, this bond between horse and owner, it is so strong much like owning a dog. I’ve owned many dogs as well as horses and as much as I love my dogs and the bonds are very strong and the respect and love is very similar but more amazing to me is how this flight animal, this thousand pound beast lets you lead them around and put them to work and lets us get on their back and ride them! Wow, now there is a bond of trust that cannot be described unless you have felt it and the feeling is practically indescribable. This massive animal will do anything you ask and as you train them and earn the horses trust you become one as you move through your paces and flow through your routine as you exercise them around the arena. Then as you both grow in your discipline you can compete and as you learn the feeling of love grows and you say to yourself, this is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.

My discipline was Hunters/Jumpers. My horse absolutely loved to jump and having him fly over these jumps with me on his back was the most amazing thing I have ever done in my entire life. The passion one has for these feats is so strong that it can be more important than all your other dreary duties you must do in life. I wasn’t one for school. Yes, I attended and I even went to college but my main focus was my horse. Yes, I absolutely love my family, my husband, my children they are definitely miracles in my life and they define me too, but my first love is the horse. It really is just that simple and the horse will always be the most amazing thing to me as I groom them, touch their soft coat and stare into those eyes trying to understand each other. And as my horse whinnies to me as I arrive at the barn I know that I will always have a horse in my life until the day of my death, there will be a horse that someone will have to take care of as I plan on riding as long as I live. To love life is to love horses, my first love.