I love horses more than I can express and so I spend many hours at the barn with my two horses, Miss Chloe and her best friend Mr. Zack. They enjoy each other as I turn them out each day and they scratch each others back. They are my therapy as they nicker when I arrive. They fill my soul with such happiness as I gaze into their huge eyes, and as each day goes we have a routine which includes turn outs, trail rides, lots of grooming, pets, treats and lunches with supplements. But with a blink of an eye that has all changed. This is day one.
I was at the barn yesterday when the accident happened. I had tended to Chloe and Zack, trail ride complete with a nice cool hosing in the hot summer morning. They were brought in their stalls happily eating while I hung around the tack room visiting with the other stable friends who I ride with discussing cleaning the tack room. As I swept up the floor we decided to see if the shelves needed cleaning so I hopped up on my tack trunk. It all looked okay and I turned around looked at the shelves across the way and then decided to get down and just stepped off the two foot high trunk and as my foot hit the ground and my ankle gave way I hit the ground hard and fast.
The pain was intense, the deformity in my arm so great I had to look away or I may faint or throw up. The blood gushed from my head as my glasses had flown off my face from the force of my fall. I yelled “my arm is broken call 911.” My friends got to work calling for help, calling my family, getting a cloth for my bloody gash above my right eye. “Stay still, don’t move” they yell out to me…. no problem there, I’m not moving. I can’t move the pain is too great. Paramedics arrive get me stable and move me in a sitting position to start an IV, get vitals and put a splint on my arm. My cut above my eye stopped bleeding by this time. The pain was excruciating. I wanted to keep my wits about me, stay calm I told myself in all this chaos.
As I lay in the ambulance heading to the hospital wanting to be somewhere else, thinking I just can’t do this any more. Life sure can throw you some curve balls and this curve ball is a doozy. How will I continue I was thinking. So many things I can’t do for a long time as I’m sure it will take months to get back to normal. The feelings of sheer frustrations, and lack of control in my situation are overwhelming. Now I need so much help from experts at the hospitals to family members and friends. I now can’t do life by myself. I’m officially handicapped with the use of only one arm. This is very humbling as I am very independent and work full time and have a very busy life. Now, its all put on hold.
I felt on day one of giving up, how can I go on? I was in so much pain and my mind spiraled with thoughts and emotions I haven’t had to endure in years. My life has turned upside down and all I can do is take one day at a time. I smashed up my wrist so badly I needed surgery to put all the bones back in place with plates and screws. I’ve Never experienced this before and pray I never will again. I’m so messed up with my eye swollen, black and blue like I’ve been in a fight. My ankle very swollen from twisting in the fall and bruises all over my right side from the fall.
The surgery went well and I’m thankful my dislocated elbow is not that painful but the bruising is bad. How will I heal? I feel like its taking forever but its only day 5. I hope and pray I’ll be 110% the power of positive thinking. I sit and think about my horses as they whinny when I arrive at the barn, missing them horribly. I have such wonderful friends, I know they are in good hands and I know soon I will be able to visit. I can’t wait to kiss their noses, run a brush over them with my one good arm. I know I can’t ride for months. I won’t find out the prognosis or healing time until my next doctors visit. I have been telling myself how lucky I am, that things could have been worse. I’m truly lucky I did not injure my head as that would have been bad. As sore and painful as this experience has been I’m hoping it will let me explore my love of writing so I’m hoping this blog will help me hone my skills. I’m thankful my daughter told me about this site as I’m really enjoying writing.
I hope my story is not too sad. I know millions of people have accidents and this is what happened to me this last week and I know I need to look foward and stop replaying the accident in my mind. I don’t know how inspirational I can be in this trying time but I don’t give up easily. I don’t feel sorry for myself and I hate being a burden but I have no choice, and I know my family would say with my injuries that I’m not a burden. It still feels that way to me, but I accept my roll and will be a good patient.