A Fallen Hero

As she rolls over in her bed unable to get up she realizes the pain she is in is real. She tries to stretch and lays there thinking what in the world is this life doing to her, if she could just get rid of the pain.

I started writing this three years ago and all I have is the paragraph above.  I think those words can have so many different meanings to whoever reads them. For me it was a beginning of a story of someone who struggles with trying to return to life after the military and how the horse brought her back to life.  The struggles of pain, whether physical or mental woven through her body and to her soul as she brings herself to understand how nature and this world are not the enemy, to find herself and the meaning of life.  What is the meaning of this life? I’m sure I’m not alone with this thought.

As I write this sitting in my family room, my daughter-in-law is here and looks so sad.  She says she is having an off day, she suffers from depression and I know how hard days can be for her, my heart goes out to her.  Maybe my fallen hero is the mother to my grand baby, maybe a little lost, a soul searching her way in this life.  Fallen on hard times needing help in this harsh world of economics, bills too high to think about, needing a roof over her and her family’s head and I’m so thankful we are here to help. Wishing I can take the pain away, make her smile, make her laugh.  How can I explain life is too  short to be sad, please smile and have fun. Life is hard, but life should not be sad.

I had told her that I would have her help me with my horses, my passion, my muse, my confidants, my horses.  But horses are not everyone’s passion, but they can heal the soul. Just look into those warm big eyes, they are God’s gifts and maybe I will ask her again if she will join me with my horses.  She knows I spend hours there and that I have a group of ladies who I ride with and certainly it’s my therapy as I get to free myself from life’s struggles to spend time with what I love. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they listen to what ever I say and seem to understand. Maybe I’ll give her a hug, she seems so sad today.

My fallen hero was going to be a long story about how the therapy of horse back riding saved her, but as I digress and look at life I can see how maybe my fallen hero I’m saving each day.  Maybe there are many fallen hero’s out there someone’s Mom, Dad or sister, brother, daughter or son. I will say a prayer to all the fallen hero’s out there and may they find peace and happiness.  I am learning that I need to write each day or as many days as I can as I find it inspiring.  I pray I am inspiring and that my writings are worth reading.  I want to write thought provoking blogs, and I would love to learn to write funny blogs as well, could I get some positive thoughts and smiles maybe?  That would be amazing as a smile a day keeps the doctors at bay.

Night Night sweet baby

She is told it’s bed time and that she needs her sleep.  This tiny little human tumbles through the house bouncing along and getting hugs from Papa and Grammy.   Before her bed she gets a bath, as she comes out of the bathroom with her bunny towel on coming to Grammy for a cuddle.  The sweet smell of her fills my nose, so clean as she is held in a bundle getting all the hugs she needs.  This toddler is in heaven as she bounces back and forth between Grammy, dad and her mom.  Papa is here too and grabs another hug as well.

She is saying more words together, just turning two this month of August.  She can say “Where is it”, and “have fun” one of her favorite little phrases.  Her vocabulary improves each day even though there is a lot of single words said, she understands so much more. To see the world through a child’s eye is an amazing thing, the wonders of it all as she makes the sound of an owl, “who, who” and “meows” to the kitty cats.  She’s learning her colors with PURPLE being her favorite.   When asked most everything is purple, ha ha, but with a little prompting she knows her primary colors very well.  Adorable, is what I say every day.

It is so fun to see her learn as she doesn’t understand when she sees a photo of herself and you say that’s you! and she says back “you” and then you explain say “me” and she says “me” but she doesn’t understand.  She sees herself in the mirror and you tell her that’s the mirror and she jumps on your bed with joy, repeating mirror, mirror! ha ha, she just makes me laugh she is so cute. She loves routine, most children do and she remembers amazingly well what we did yesterday playing on Grammy’s bed.  She will climb up on the bed and bounce around, you say “be careful” she repeats “be careful” so cute! She wants the fan over the bed turned on. Okay, I comply. Then off, why of course I turn it off. Then on, then off as this game goes on and you have to say we are done.  The fan is sleepy, say goodbye fan! She comply’s, “goodbye fan” in the most softest, charming, most adorable voice you will ever hear. She melts my heart.

She will sleep well, the best little sleeper I’ve seen.  I can’t wait for tomorrow another day with this growing, wondering toddler who has wonder in her eyes enjoying and learning each day.  Many may not be a grandparent and I can say with great pride and honesty that being a grandparent is the most fulfilling, amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I feel very fortunate to have a grandchild.  She is the most precious baby and brings much joy to our house.  Love you baby!

Dinner tonight

How many people want to know what’s for dinner? I wonder that all the time.  I love to cook but am not cooking like I use to as life is so darn busy I can’t seem to fit it all in…. sigh…  How is it that the time each day goes by so fast?  Here it is the day is almost over and the routine of sleeping, working starts again.

My husband is a saint.  Bless him for taking on the roll of cook when the days I need to sleep or I just don’t know what to make happens.  I work night shift five nights a week and I sleep through dinner going to bed in the afternoon.  I only eat dinner two nights a week, unless I take an additional day off.  My work habits may not be normal as I am not a nine to five worker, this has been my life for the last thirty five years.  I never thought in a million years that I would still be working the night shift.  How does this time fly by.

I decided to write this as I smell the good food coming from the kitchen.  I’m suppose to be heading for my nap as I work tonight and need to get some sleep so that I can make it through the night and be able to drive home in the morning when my shift has ended. I’m thankful and hateful all at the same time for my crazy hours – there is no traffic working these crazy hours, and I’m free during the day to spend time with my hobby’s, and my family but I miss sleeping every night.  Who wouldn’t be missing a normal life. But what is normal?  This is my life, this is my normal.  Time to eat.